Many of you may be wondering why I am single. Well, I have pretty good reasons and it was reinforced by my latest excursion to the M4W on the Asheville Craig's List. Or the M4W on the Greenville Craig's List! Take your pick!It has, in fact, been four years since I seriously dated anyone. My rule of thumb is to wait at least two years in between serious relationships (to clear out any bad ju-ju), but the last one was a double dose! He worked in the Medical Information Technology field. He not only had a psychotic ex who stalked him from NY State and a bankruptcy, but his reasoning for not marrying the mother of his daughter was that she was trying to trap him. The breaking point (when I ran out of there, terrified) was when he told me he had been served with a summons by the Buncombe County Sherriff's office. Do I know how to pick 'em or what?!?!? I met that lovely boy on the Internet. Chemistry was so-so. He's also affectionately known as Boyfriend #4. He still has the book I loaned him: The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. It was inscribed by my mother for my 21st birthday. :(
Boyfriend #3 was a local boy who I met at college. This one is pretty much my fault. I knew he was a player from the get-go. Instead of letting things evolve naturally, I dared him into going on a date with me. I should have never forced it... he left me broken-hearted. Not only did he want to get me with child (there was some question as to whether he could), but also ended up cheating on me. Needless to say, he did not get me pregnant and I did not go back to him when he came sniffing around again a week later. He wanted a camping partner, of all things! I told him he literally looked like a walking willy and to go call the chick with which he cheated on me. Chemistry was OK.
Boyfriend #3 Update: I saw him a few years later at a local restaurant. He was with the woman he cheated with and they had a baby with them. I assume the baby is theirs and they got married. Better her than me!
You all still with me? Ok, great!
I really thought Boyfriend #2 was my soulmate.
Anyway, Boyfriend #2 was pretty intense. He was in training to be in the Olympics -- Karate. We wrote an infinite number of letters (emails) and had endless chat sessions, phone and IM. I even made a book out of our correspondence. A frickin' book! He came to visit once - for a week. We had a wonderful time, at first, until reality began to wedge itself in there. It became readily apparent we were living in fantasy land. At some point during that week, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. No ring, but lots of talk about one. Not long after he returned to WA State, the relationship began to crumble. I began to come out from under the fairy tale and started asking questions. He didn't like that, so we went our separate ways. He called me a few months later, wanting to get back together. This wasn't as easy as Boyfriend #3, but ultimately I knew that the relationship would never be 50/50... no matter how much adoration he bestowed on me. Chemistry was enchanted, but not entirely real.
Now I wind up my journey of relationships with the beginning... Boyfriend #1. He was also a local boy, born and bred in the mountains. I was 19, he was 21. He was the best boyfriend by far. We simply enjoyed each other's company. We'd spend countless hours talking, laughing, and dancing. He was an excellent dancer! We loved to go camping... in fact, he gave me a tent and sleeping bag for my birthday that year. (Ed. Note: He was the only boyfriend I spent a holiday with. All the others were in between holidays, birthdays, etc. Isn't that shame?)
Boyfriend #1 had a variety of jobs during the time we dated, but his genius was his creativity. He could write, sing, act... pretty much anything in the Creative Arts. He was a very sensitive kind of guy, which I thought was very sweet. We ended because I developed a raging case of claustrophobia. He never wanted to be too far away from me. Literally. Over time, it turned suffocating. I turned into someone I didn't recognize (a nag). At the time I didn't know how to vocalize that I needed space, so I broke up with him. It was the only way I knew to catch my breath. I say it was the best relationship to date because I know that he truly cared about me. Chemistry was incredible! Of course, he was my first boyfriend (first kiss, first holding hands) so I had nothing to base it on. (Ed. Note: I think "firsts" are like this with everyone, no?)
Boyfriend #1 Update: I saw him just a couple of years ago at the college where I work. He is happily married and sublimely stable. His wife is very good for him. Better than I could ever be. They both have regular jobs, but they frequent Renaissance fairs throughout the US. He makes leather armor and she makes period costumes for the ladies.
So there it is. The history of the whole history of my love life. The length of each relationship was progressively shorter: 9 months, 5 months, 2 months and 3 weeks. Either I am getting smarter or I am getting pickier! The one thing they all had in common was at some point they all tried to change me. Half of that was my fault since I allowed it! This is the main reason I don't jump right back in the dating arena. I like me, just as I am! The other two reasons are laziness and wariness. I don't want to be in a relationship if the significant other is going to tamper with my core. The flip side to that is that I don't entirely trust myself to choose wisely for myself. My lazy nature is completely supportive of these aims! Ha!
Most of the "eligible" bachelors I meet are very one dimensional. I once described myself as a "mass of contradictions" meaning I have multiple facets to my personality. For example, I love technology, as well as history and humanities. I am very detail-oriented and I have a big imagination. I really enjoy an evening out with my close friends, but I have to have equal amounts of time to myself. I need philosophical conversations, as well as giggle fits. I'd like my significant other with the same depth (width?) to his personality. Someone who wants me for me and won't try to change me. Someone to grow with. Someone to share the holidays with. One person to spend the rest of my life with. Until then, I am content to carve out my path and make merry along the way.
Cheers,
Jaime
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